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Do Wives Want Chivalry in Marriage?

Special Feature


I admit it. I am a fan of classic movies. Some of my favorites are the period films- particularly the ones in which men were tough and chivalry was esteemed. Cheesy, I know, but pass the popcorn!

Husbands, would your wife describe you as chivalrous? Does she love it when you open doors for her or pull her chair out at the dinner table? I hope your answer is a resounding yes. But is this all your wife wants from you? Is it possible she desires a deeper level of gallantry? In nearly forty years of working with married couples, I consistently hear wives expressing their desire to feel secure in their marriages. They want a man who will honor and protect them physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

A Different Kind of Valor. Most men will physically fight to defend their wives and families. But, how many will fight to protect their wives emotionally and spiritually? The bar is high for Christian husbands. As Christ is the Savior of His bride (the church), so the Christian husband is to be his wife’s savior (little “s”). Ephesians 5:25-26 explains, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.”

Biblical valor may require a husband to rescue his wife from imminent danger. But often, it needs him to be proactive. It requires him to pursue his wife with gentleness, kindness, and tender care—expecting nothing in return. It requires him to place her needs above his own. It requires him to model Godly character for his family.

Take Action. Here are five simple ways to safeguard your wife emotionally and spiritually:

  1. Pray for her consistently and persistently. Text her nuggets of wisdom from God’s Word.
  2. Speak up when anyone defames her.
  3. Affirm and provide companionship to her. What you say to and about your wife matters.
  4. Do little things to lighten her load, even when you are tired.
  5. Give her your undivided attention. Make it your goal to understand her.

These things will help create a hedge of emotional security around your wife. She will know you have not left your post as her gallant knight. 

Alonza Jones-Alonza Jones

President & Co-founder of Biblical Marriage Institute

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