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You have what some would describe as a good life. You acquire most of the things you want. Yet there are days when you are not the most lovable person to be around. You are irritable, snappy, and withdrawn. You and your spouse know something is wrong. What do you do? Ignore the obvious? Pretend everything is okay and avoid each other?
Husbands and wives experience ups and downs from time to time. The cause of irritability may come from a variety of sources — sleep deprivation, anger, poor diet, or too much work, to name a few. Recognizing the onset of unlovable traits is key to living in harmony with your mate. Will you let bitterness and discouragement get the best of you and leave an unpleasant fragrance on your marriage? Or will you manage your attitude and actions?
Self-Inventory. When was the last time you took an assessment of your behavior to evaluate the way you are coming across to your mate? Perhaps you discovered issues with your tone and facial expressions. Self-evaluation is a helpful tool. It can reveal hidden flaws, like self-righteousness, and positive traits, such as kindness. Paul urges Christians in Romans 12:3 not to think more of themselves than what is accurate. Self-embellishment is prideful. He writes, “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.” See yourself with truthful eyes. Realize any good you do is from the Lord. It is not for self-boasting. An honest assessment uncovers the truth. Let the results motivate you to make changes for the good of your sacred union.
Reflect Kindness. After you recover from your state of discontentment, humble yourself and apologize to your mate if you have been unkind. An apology enhances healing and growth. Sincere love for your spouse radiates through your actions and words. Show kindness and honor. Live unselfishly in your relationship. Practice the loving command of Scripture to “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10). These are foundational actions and are healthy components in marriage.
Let your vibrant marital love and good character shine whether you are in public or at home. Your spouse will notice and treasure your pure God-honoring dedication to lovability.
-Vanessa M. Jones
Vice President & Co-founder of Biblical Marriage Institute
@biblicalmarriageinstitute
