Special Feature
What gets on your nerves? Is it the relentless gnat that invades your personal space? Perhaps it’s the chirp… chirp…chirp of a smoke detector. Maybe the clanking of forks at dinner sends chills down your spine. Often, it’s the small annoyances that cause your eye to twitch. Couples bring quirks into marriage. These idiosyncrasies may seem harmless, even funny at first. Yet, over time, the “cute little thing you do” can morph into, “If you do that one… more… time!” Here are three strategies husbands and wives can use to address their pet peeves.
Speak Up Early. If your mate’s conduct irritates you, say something. Many couples shrug off irksome tendencies in the early years. She burps like a foghorn and sparks laughter. He starts important conversations with a mouthful of toothpaste and earns a lighthearted eye roll. The pair’s passive reactions to offbeat habits could send an unintended message of approval. Scripture warns it is “the little foxes that ruin the vineyards” (Song of Solomon 2:15). In context, “little foxes” symbolize small threats to the lovers’ blossoming relationship. The takeaway is this: address minor irritants before they become major disruptors.
Be Honest. Some spouses are aware of their peculiarity and may insist their husband or wife accept it and move on. A response to a complaint might be, “You knew I was this way when you married me.” Others are unaware of their bothersome behavior. Ideally, the offending party would be grateful and apologetic when informed of their obnoxious habit. In either case, honest feedback from the offended spouse is crucial. A specific reference to the annoyance is better than a nuanced one. This conversation is not an opportunity to unload a thousand grievances. Constructive comments seasoned with love and grace are easier to digest than rants. Proverbs 27:6 assures, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted…”
Show Empathy. Everyone possesses a blend of endearing and intolerable behaviors. When husbands and wives admit their respective oddities and empathize with their spouses’ frustrations, the marriage matures. The key is to recognize that what makes you giggle might make your spouse cringe. In time, once unbearable moments become occasions for comic relief.
Matrimony is one of God’s finest miracles. A man and a woman, different in every way, are melded into one love. This reality makes the handling of everyday quirks a dance of grace-filled acceptance and restraint. The challenge is to embrace what may not change and to change what may not be embraced.
-Dr. Alonza Jones
Teacher, Writer, Speaker
President and Co-founder, Biblical Marriage Institute
Follow: Instagram @biblicalmarriageinstitute, Facebook @Biblical Marriage Institute-Official Site
