- Be honest. Instead of dismissing or denying the pain, choose to open up to your spouse about any struggles. Your honesty with your spouse may be the starting point for a journey of healing.
- Wrestle with God. You may or may not feel like praying right now. Engage God with honest prayers. Wrestle with Him through Scripture reading and prayer.
- Remember. One of the words used throughout the Old Testament is “remember.” God knew that His people were prone to forget and rely on feelings in their circumstances. There was a time when the marriage was alive and growing. Take time to remember.
- Focus on your own field. One of the most common toxins for tough times in marriage is to blame. “If he would just . . . ” “If she would stop . . . ” “Maybe I should have . . . ” Blame is our way of trying to make sense of the difficulty or assign “payment.” This only widens the marriage divide. Look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What can I do to grow through this?”
- Do not make any hasty decisions. When emotions run high, this is the worst time to make major decisions. Hasty decisions can be regretful decisions. Slow down and take small steps.
- Fight the enemy, not your spouse. Though you may feel like your spouse is an enemy, you have one enemy and his name is Satan. With a deep hatred of God and the institution of marriage, Satan wants to destroy your marriage and family. Funnel your anger toward him.
- Surround yourself with wise counsel. You need a few trusted companions who will listen and offer sound advice.
- Develop community in a local church. Churches are intended to be safe places for hurting people. You need a community of brothers and sisters who will love you through this season.
- Guard your heart and desires. A hurting marriage can be the perfect storm for an affair or addiction. Instead of moving toward your spouse, the temptation is to find validation from another. Guard your heart.
- Write a new chapter. God desires to use this season in your life and marriage to usher in something new. Turn the page, take up the pen, and ask God to write a new chapter.
-Randy and Melody Hemphill
Authors of the soon to be released marriage resource, 30 Days of Hope for a Hurting Marriage (New Hope Publishing) and founders of Birmingham based LIFE Ministries, a counseling ministry passionate for the hearts of men and women to be restored. Randy is also a Peer Pastor Leader for Beeson Divinity School.
