Special Feature
What follows is a true, Christmas story.
I heard the most dreadful sound this morning… the sound of the garbage truck coming up the street, made especially dreadful by the fact that I knew that last week I forgot to put the garbage out and in just a few days there will be wrapping paper galore! With my sincerest apologies to the garbage man and to any neighbors who may have witnessed this unsightly event, here is a festive recount of the morning’s events!
“Twas the day before Christmas,
and all through the house,
cans overflowed,
to the joy of a mouse.
The cans were full with no room to spare,
In hopes that the garbage man would soon be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Oscar the Grouch danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled on the couch for our morning coffee recap.
When out on the road there arose such a rumble,
I sprang from the couch to see what made the grumble.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The big blue blur on the road, not nearly too slow,
Made my heart skip a beat and my head sink low.
When, what to my wondering ears should I hear,
But my wife saying “you better make it my dear!”
With a young stout driver, so lively and spry,
I knew in a moment it must be BFI.
More rapid than eagles my legs did they go,
And I whistled, and shouted, and called him “Hey Joe!!”
Now I’m dashing! Now, dancing! Now, prancing and sprinting!
I think I might vomit! I’m stupid! I feel faint and I’m dizzy!
To the top of the hill! to the top of the driveway!
I grabbed the can before he could dash away! Dash away all!”
And then, in a twinkling, I realized my spoof
The tingling and chilling of cold on my toosh.
As I drew in my head, wishing for a gown,
There was no saving me… he was waiting to peddle down.
I wasn’t dressed all in fur, from head to foot,
You see, my clothes were inside… there I stood in my undies and boots.
A bundle of trash he had flung, in the back,
And I looked like a peddler, just looking for a snack.
My fingers-how they tingled! My tail wasn’t merry!
My cheeks were like roses, my nose like a cherry!
My arms wrapped around me like a present with a bow,
And I shivered and shook like I was standing in the snow.
The grit of my jaw held tight against my teeth,
And there in my boxers I shook like a thief.
With skin exposed from my face to my belly,
Cold and alone and from the haste of my chore, a little bit smelly!
My sweats and my jeans all sat on the shelf,
And all I could do was simply laugh at myself!
Thank God he gave me no wink of his eye nor a nod with his head,
Soon he drove off leaving me no more to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went on about his work,
And I scurried back to put on a shirt.
And laying my hand on the door to go back inside, I hoped I would avoid the laughter from my bride!
As I went on in, and straight to find clothes,
Hannah sprang to her feet with applause as she enjoyed the shows.
And with coffee in hand I sat l panting and cold, knowing I did it, victory was bold!
Then I heard her exclaim, “ere what a sight!”
“Happy Christmas to all” she said, and “I hope I see that tonight!”
I hope you had a good belly roll of a laugh (like a bowl full of jelly) at my expense. But please do remember friends, Christmas isn’t about toys or wrapping paper, or even reindeer or sleighs… it’s about Jesus. And about the birth of the Son of God by way of a Virgin… in a manger in Bethlehem… so that we might all be free of the garbage in our lives. Be Joyful in Christ, this holiday season.
-Walt Merrell is a Christian Outdoorsman who writes of his adventures with his family, with the hope that others might be inspired and encouraged to embrace God’s tapestry, otherwise known as the great outdoors, as a means of finding Common Ground. You can follow him at Shepherding Outdoors on FB, YT and IG and at shepherdingoutdoors.com.
