Special Feature
Their wedding was beautiful, full of love, happiness, and excitement. Now, the demands of life and lack of consideration have dimmed the memory of their special day. Like a deflated cluster of vibrant balloons, their love has lost its luster. The couple must commit to working hard, not giving up, and making the necessary changes to reinflate their diminished love. Rebuilding requires purposeful actions.
Indicators of Deflation. Marital love does not lose air all at once. The leak is gradual. Deflation continues as couples become less attentive to each other. For example, a spouse says or does something that makes their mate feel small. Or one person makes all the family decisions without discussion. Deflation also happens when a spouse avoids eye contact, pretends not to hear, and does not respond. This behavior does not resolve or address the situation; it prolongs the discord. Matters can escalate when couples hold on to hurt and hide their feelings instead of addressing them. Self-reflection and transparent communication can reveal each person’s contribution to the problems. The key is to arrive at meaningful solutions without blaming each other. Here are three questions couples can ask to start the process.
- What do my actions reveal?
- Would my spouse say my actions match my words?
- Do I have consistent dialogue with my spouse during meals, giving my full attention?
A spouse who continues to put themselves first can invite disharmony and a loss of affection. The Bible instructs in Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Three Ways to Inflate.
- Commit to reset and move forward together.
- Reminisce about the good times.
- Avoid using unkind words. Remember, hurtful words are damaging and irretrievable. They are like pouring a bottle of drinking water into the ocean; you can never recover its original contents.
Marital transformation requires affection, attention, and appreciation. Determined husbands and wives prepare themselves for the journey of reviving the love they once enjoyed. They do what it takes to repair the wounds in their relationship. When couples treasure their marital love, pleasant and unforgettable memories abound.
-Vanessa M. Jones
Vice President & Co-founder of Biblical Marriage Institute
